I wish Denial and Avoidance could last forever. I just had to tell a very special friend of mine that I couldnt come to his 100th birthday party because I have to work that weekend.

I was avoiding calling him because I didnt want to have to say no. I was denying that avoidance, thinking the sinking pit in my stomach would go away, but.....evidentially, I still had to tell him no. Sigh....I wish I could go back to denying it and avoiding it. But I cant. The damages are done.

Of course he understands, and there are going to be a million people there at his house on Lake Oswego anyway....whats one less body? But the fact that he wanted me to be there and the fact that my hands are tied.....sucks. I feel like shit today.